Tag: Friends

Groups and group size

As the group size grows, the dynamics change; ten to twenty people will chat together (like the group in the photo), though sometimes there will be more than one conversation going on.

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Image 99 – What’s in an image? Sometimes quite a lot, more than meets the eye. I’m posting an image every day or so.

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People like to sit in the sun and chat. Social interaction is central to human nature with group sizes anywhere between two and a hundred; more than a hundred becomes a crowd in which there are some people who don’t know one another at all. And the larger the crowd, the more anonymous the experience becomes.

Group dynamics

A group of two or three has the potential to be quite intimate; close friends who trust one another may share things they wouldn’t discuss more widely.

As the group size grows, the dynamics change; ten to twenty people will chat together (like the group in the photo), though sometimes there will be more than one conversation going on. Generally most people will have something to say; the intimacy is lost, but everyone has a chance to join in.

As group size increases beyond twenty, to say thirty or forty, it’s no longer possible for everyone to hear. If it’s an informal gathering, people will break into smaller groups to chat and often there will be a few left out, not engaging with others at all. Or if it’s a more formal gathering a chairperson may manage things and individuals will take turns to make their points.

Sharing food and drink

The people in the photo are eating and drinking together, this is helpful in getting a group to relax. Here, things are completely informal, but in more formal groups of this size or larger it may help to provide tea and coffee, or even a buffet. This relaxes everyone.

Right-sizing

If you are planning a group meeting for a specific purpose it’s beneficial to consider group size and how it affects things. Often we do this automatically, these group dynamics are so familiar that we don’t need to make any special effort to get it right. Sometimes it’s useful to break a big group up into smaller ones, sitting people at tables of six or so to make sure everyone is able to talk and interact while also being part of something bigger (perhaps with a speaker at the front from time to time). This enables a focus/discuss/focus/discuss dynamic which can be very useful.

When: 21st June 2024
Where: Weston-super-Mare, North Somerset, England

Favourites

For convenience, here’s a list of my favourite images:

Anemone, Cloud, Honeybee, Hydrangea, Kiftsgate1, Kiftsgate2, Large White, Mugshot, Nelson, Robin, Rose, Spilhaus, Sunset1, Weston beach

Themed image collections

The links below will take you to the first post in each collection

Cirencester, Favourites, Irish holiday 2024, Roman villa

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Cicero, feared or liked?

Cicero pointed all this out most eloquently. As a philosopher he thought things through carefully and deeply and then expressed his ideas clearly, giving plenty of reasons and examples.

The great Roman orator, lawyer, politician, philosopher and author, Cicero has left us a great legacy. He wrote on many topics that are as relevant today as they were when he dictated them to his trusted slave, Tiro.

Tiro was a gifted and hard working person in his own right – he invented a form of shorthand and left a good deal of written material that has survived. He was given his freedom by Cicero but chose to continue working for him. One piece of work dictated by Cicero concerns the good and bad motives people may have. He considered how becoming feared and becoming liked can both bring benefits, but the first is dangerous while the second is not.

When a person is feared, they may find a wide circle of supporters to do their bidding. Think in terms of Vladimir Putin, generally the people around him do his bidding because they do not wish to fall from a high window or drink poisonous tea. There are plenty of people who have died or nearly died because they have crossed Putin in some way – from Sergei Skripal to Yevgeny Prigozhin. Many political opponents have died while imprisoned. Examples like these cause others in Putin’s circle to be carefully obedient. Yet Putin himself is always in danger and must live under a permanent cloud, fearful that at any moment he will be toppled from power and most likely be murdered in the process.

On the other hand, live a life in which you are surrounded by friends who love you because of your kindness and thoughtfulness, and you will also have a wide circle to work with you and for you, but you will have far fewer anxieties, fears, and sleepless nights.

Cicero pointed all this out most eloquently. As a philosopher he thought things through carefully and deeply and then expressed his ideas clearly, giving plenty of reasons and examples. What Cicero must have realised (but did not express) is that most of us, most of the time, are feared by some yet liked by others. Cicero himself was no exception. He had political enemies and was murdered by the roadside as he attempted to flee from Italy.

There are three ways to learn more about Cicero, and it’s well worth doing so. Many of his arguments are as interesting and useful today as they were two thousand years ago (we would write 2000, Tiro would have written MM).

One way is to read Cicero’s writings for yourself. Much has been lost no doubt, but much has been preserved too – often thanks, in part, to Tiro. A second way is to read what historians and commentators have written about him. The third way, and perhaps the one that is most fun, is to read Robert Harris’s famous and fascinating Cicero trilogy. Yes, it’s fiction; but it’s skillfully woven around what we know of the characters portrayed.

See also:

John 15:9-17 – Love and fruit

This joyful, loving relationship we have with Jesus is so important. In these verses Jesus stresses it by repetition. He wants to see joyfulness in our lives, he wants his joy to find a welcome in our lives.

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Bible text – Read it yourself (opens in a new tab)

A fragment of John’s gospel
(Wikimedia)

At this point Jesus begins talking about love. It always helps, when explaining something, to have an illustration or example; Jesus needs an example of his love for his followers, so he says, ‘I’ve loved you the same way the Father has loved me’. There’s such a lot in that simple statement!

But the disciples had evidence of the Father’s love for the Son going far beyond words alone; the love was affirmed by powerful action. They had seen the sick being healed, the dead raised to life and evil spirits thrown out. Oh yes, he had the affection of the Father, and now Jesus tells them that he loves them like that, too! Notice how remaining in the love depends on obeying the commands. It’s not that the love is taken away in the absence of obedience, but the absence of obedience is the same thing as walking away from the source of the love. So his followers have a part to play as well, they are to ‘Stay in his love’. They are to stay close, not wander off but to stay in that place of affection.

It begins and ends with love

This joyful, loving relationship we have with Jesus is so important. In these verses Jesus stresses it by repetition. He wants to see joyfulness in our lives, he wants his joy to find a welcome in our lives. He’s explained this clearly and now, in verse 12 he shows how simple it is. The command that must be obeyed if we are to remain in him and his joy in us is not hard and it’s not complicated or demanding – just love one another, please!

And the greatest and fullest love imaginable is to be more concerned for one another than for our own existence! In verses 14 and 15 Jesus brings us right back to the need for obedience yet again, and it’s not an obedience like that of servants or slaves. We are fully informed, he calls the disciples (and us) his friends, not his servants. Our place is not to serve Christ, but to be his friends. I’m sure you appreciate the difference. We’re helping out one of our mates, not scraping and bowing to an imperial boss!

Getting the job done

Sometimes we are told that people in the world need to ‘choose Christ’, that they need to ‘make a decision for Christ’. Yet Jesus clearly sees it very differently, he tells us here that he chooses us, not the other way around. We are right to share the good news about Jesus, to explain to people that peace and joy and freedom are found in him. But we don’t need to persuade people to make a choice. Jesus makes the choice. We never, never need to browbeat anyone, our task is just to introduce one of our friends. Hey, this is Jesus, say ‘Hi’ to the best friend I have, he’d like to get to know you better.

We do have a job though, and introducing Jesus might well be an important part of it. We were chosen to bear lasting fruit, and if we ask Papa for something, he’ll provide it. He’s always willing because he sees us as one of his Son’s friends – he loves the Son and he loves his Son’s willing mates and helpers. It’s all about relationship, is it not? What we do counts for little, who we are counts for everything! Without Jesus I can do – nothing! But I can do everything in Christ.

And finally, Jesus reminds them one more time, ‘Love one another’. He knows how easily we forget!

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Time flies!

I plan to gird up my literary loins and begin to put things right

It’s been a long, long time since my last post. I sent a hasty ‘Happy Christmas’ post on 23rd December 2020 and since then – nothing. I really have been rather busy, but also have somehow lacked the energy to make the effort. I don’t know why – perhaps I just needed a break.

In the next few days I plan to gird up my literary loins and begin to put things right. There are a lot of unanswered comments that I need to deal with first, I want to say something about a song I especially like, and I’ve been asked to write a little about my personal history. So watch this space.

Meanwhile, just for fun, here’s my friend Kevin and his daughters at the Cotswold Wildlife Park in August. (It’s well worth a visit, by the way.)

Kevin is taking a photo of a waterlily. Don’t drop your phone, Kevin! Don’t fall in, Kevin! He didn’t – but it looked risky for a moment there.

An old school friend

Friends are important, we humans are fundamentally social beings

At my sister’s recent book launch, I was delighted to meet an old friend from school days, Nick Henderson. Although he looks older – as, of course, I do too – his personality is entirely as I remember from the mid 1960s. We agreed to meet again this morning at the Golden Cross in Cirencester, and it was a delight.

Nick and I last met when we were both living at home and very probably still at school. For a year or two we used to hang out quite a bit. I remember going with Nick to see a local band called The Corals during a record-breaking attempt at playing non-stop without repeating any songs; the drummer, one Colin Flooks, another lad from our school year, later became famous as Cozy Powell. And yes, they did break that record – in fact they smashed it by playing for 11½ hours.

TheCorals
The Corals during their record-breaking session, photo from The Wilts and Glos.

Nick and I talked about many things, catching up on our personal journeys over the last half century, recalling the cross-country runs that were compulsory on Wednesday afternoons at school, and thinking about Daglingworth Brook, the River Churn and how the water is channelled in and around the town. The drainage courses have changed over the years, altered for many reasons, beginning in Roman times when the town was young, and continuing right down to the present.

Friends are important, we humans are fundamentally social beings; renewing a connection after such a long gap has been a very special thing for me. More so than I had expected or imagined.

For more about Nick, take a look at his website and/or a site he edits, Anglicanism.org .